I use a simple yet impactful facilitation activity that encourages participants in meetings and sessions to express their concerns, hopes, and fears without worrying about being disregarded, looked down upon, ridiculed, or punished. It’s called “everything I want to know or say and am afraid to ask or say.”
And hee hee, I borrowed the name from the 1969 book “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask).”
How does it work?
- I hand out identical sizes and colours of paper to each participant.
- I invite them to ask a question or write a statement; one on each paper.
- Participants hand the papers to me.
- I read one at a time, aloud.
- The group answers or discusses.

What are the benefits?
Individuals can anonymously ask or say what they want.
Individuals may feel an increased sense of psychological safety.
Topics and issues that have been “undiscussable” may arise and be addressed.
The anonymous statements can lead to a “public” sharing of concerns. An individual may hear that others share the same concerns and openly talk about them.
Since I am the only person to see the paper, participants can’t recognize each other’s handwriting. Yes, I have had individuals express this worry to me.
When do I use it?
I want to KNOW: In one case, a nonprofit’s board and leadership staff admitted through a confidential survey that they didn’t understand their governance model or roles and felt uncomfortable asking questions. During an in-person session, I invited them to anonymously submit questions, which led to a productive discussion as I read them aloud. The group felt relieved when common concerns emerged, encouraging more open dialogue about the board-staff relationship.
I want to SAY: I facilitated a company team with self-identified issues of working together yet hesitant to talk about them. I asked them to write statements about the working relationships within the team. When I read the statements and invited a conversation, the team talked about the issues more openly and not about the personalities.
I want to KNOW and SAY: A colleague used this technique with a staff team facing reduced funding, leadership changes, and rising service demand. Sensing their reluctance to voice concerns, she invited them to anonymously submit questions or statements. By reading them aloud, senior leadership and board members gained insight into the staff’s worries without requiring anyone to speak openly.
This technique can be part of a pre-session design and can be “pulled out from our back pocket” in a session when needed. This simple yet powerful technique invites honest dialogue, opens conversations about issues often left unspoken, and helps groups move forward with clarity and trust.